


Another Path

by MonsterGirl



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Rating will go up, Reylo - Freeform, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-10 17:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13506753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonsterGirl/pseuds/MonsterGirl
Summary: Kylo's relationship with Rey is tense, and her avoidance of him through the Force only proves this fact. However, when Kylo travels to Ahch-To to destroy the sacred Jedi texts, he finds that his meeting there with Rey is not the Force's doing, but maybe one of fate: fate to start down another path.





	1. Chapter 1

The dual suns had just finished setting over the island as Kylo Ren stepped out of his spacecraft, which he finally had to himself on this trip.

His mission was simple: return to the island where Luke Skywalker had sought refuge those many years, and destroy the sacred Jedi texts that were held there.

Kylo scowled as he surveyed his surroundings, all so lush and green and teeming with life- so very different from the cold, Spartan landscape of the weapons he was used to calling home.

The island wasn't very large, and he knew he would have no problem finding the texts if he simply used the force, but he was keen on exploring on his own, at least for now.

He was sure the land held various secrets, and he would be sure to uncover and destroy them all one by one.

Ever since the First Order’s defeat on Crait, Kylo had been tense. He was secretly glad to get some precious time away from Hux and the army.

It hadn’t been helping that every now and again, he would find himself startled awake in darkness, only to find a stone-faced Rey meet his gaze, then quickly turn away.

The force continued to connect the two, and she was adamant on acting like he wasn't there until it passed. Kylo wasn't sure which emotion he felt more regarding their meetings: betrayal, or rage.

Being hurt wasn't entirely new to the Skywalker heir, but he never thought the scavenger from Jakku would be the reason his chest felt so tight in his weakest moments.

The light had faded entirely from the sky, and Kylo felt a chill come over the island.

It was as the darkness enveloped the land that he was able to make out a faint light in the distance.

He unclipped his lightsaber from its holster and began the trek over to the source of the light, hoping to interrogate the island natives on the whereabouts of the texts he sought.

After descending numerous flights of stone stairs, Kylo came to a clearing surrounded by several stone huts. He could see the light he had been following within one of the structures; a small fire had been burning inside, the smoke pouring out from a small hole in the hut.

The Supreme Leader ignited his saber and cautiously approached the stone dwelling, the light from his weapon bathing the scene in red.

He stooped a bit to enter the house, and looked around, using his lightsaber as a torch.

The hut was empty, save for a rucksack and firewood. There was no one currently using the fire; the Knight of Ren could only assume an island native had been there previously and had stepped out for whatever reason. That at the very least meant there were beings on this island that could give him answers.

Kylo found himself gazing blankly into the fire, the flames licking the small twigs and leaves of the kindle in an almost nostalgic way. The scene reminded him far too deeply of his fated time with Rey where they had touched hands by a fire quite possibly in this very same hut.

At that time, he had felt welcome, and accepted; as though he had met a kindred spirit.

His sentiments of yearning and warmth were fleeting, however, and they soon burned quickly into irritation.

Kylo tore his stare from the fire and briskly strode back into the clearing, not bothering to check through the bag in the stone house.

He felt as though he was being gripped tightly around the ribcage; it was an uncomfortable feeling that he recognized as the anger that he dealt with much too often.

Kylo stomped through the small gathering of dwellings and up another set of precarious stone steps, the scenes of untouched nature under the starry sky taking his mind off of Rey momentarily.

It was at that moment, as if the force was out to be his undoing, that he found himself locking eyes with Rey herself, perched on a flat stone and sharpening a knife.

There was something different about this particular connection, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Rey was actually looking at him this time; studying him, more accurately. Her eyes were wide as they darted from his face, down to his boots, and then to the horizon that stretched out behind him.

Kylo’s previous rage ignited as Rey wordlessly stared, not a word spoken between the two.

“What, now you want to notice me?” he began, breaking the thick nighttime ambience that the island held. “Now that you're afraid of what I might do?”

“ _ It’s too late  _ ,” Kylo said through gritted teeth, his hand back at his lightsaber out of reflex, and his brow furrowed tenfold. “Luke Skywalker is dead, and I am on his precious island to destroy the last artifacts of the Jedi religion. There's no one to teach you, nothing for you to learn. I've won.”

Rey, oddly enough, didn't seem to react at all to the Sith’s words.

Her large eyes, so mysteriously bright in the moonlight, turned to match his steely gaze once more, and she finally spoke.

“You're really here, aren't you?” she said in astonishment as a moment of realization simultaneously came over Kylo.

He could clearly see Rey’s surroundings, and her voice filled his ears in real time, no longer an echo in his mind from no matter where she stood.

Rey was really here on this island with him.

She quickly stood up and unclipped her own new lightsaber, her mesmerized expression harshening to distrust.

Kylo was quick to react, and he summoned Rey’s apparently recently crafted lightsaber to his free hand before quickly dropping both his and her weapons to the ground, which earned him a confused look from the brunette.

“What do I have to do to get you to talk to me?” Kylo asked in an almost pained voice, taking a step closer to the woman, who only took a step back in turn.

“We have nothing to talk about,” Rey replied tersely, brandishing the knife she had previously been sharpening. It was no match for a lightsaber, but it got her point across.

Kylo’s expression was, as usual, far too readable for Rey; she had seen that expression a few times before. She knew he was upset, but she was upset as well. They couldn't just act like nothing had happened; it was too late, as Kylo had said.

Her features softened as she studied his face more, however. What she saw before her wasn't the face of Kylo Ren, but rather the lost and forlorn face of Ben Solo.

Kylo had so many things he wanted to say in this moment, but no idea how to say them. To say they had nothing to talk about was strictly a lie on Rey’s part; he knew she was hurt, but was it not her who had turned her back on him when he had offered her a place by his side?

“Please don't say that,” the black-haired man pleaded in a soft voice, taking a small step forward once more. Rey did not step back.

“You frighten me, Ben,” the Jedi whispered, her voice leaving goosebumps on Kylo’s neck in its wake. “You're too unpredictable. I thought you could be trusted, and I was wrong.”

“And I thought  _ you  _ could be reborn with me,” the Skywalker heir spat, struggling to keep himself calm. Rey visibly recoiled at his words, her eyes even wider.

“There's nothing wrong with the you I had already met,” she replied earnestly, a glimmer of wetness fresh in her eyes as she attempted to blink it away, only causing a tear to roll down her flushed cheek.

“The me you had met was a monster,” Kylo said in a hushed tone, weakly reaching for Rey’s hand, and with it, her warm familiar touch. “You said it yourself. That me was reborn by the force, by our connection. I wanted you by my side.”

It was as Rey took his larger hand in hers that he found the courage to add, “I still do.”

The brunette woman felt herself take another step, until the two were chest to chest; she found herself drawn to his dark eyes, and in his features, she saw Han Solo.

Her heart felt heavy and she pulled away from him, more tears threatening to spill out from her eyes.

“No,” she said hoarsely, turning away from the sight of Kylo’s outstretched hand, his expression helpless. “I still can't trust you.”

Rey force pulled her lightsaber back to her hand, and Kylo did not stop her.

Without looking back, she sprinted over the hill and out of sight, only leaving behind her sharpening tools to remind Ben that she had even been there.

He sucked in a lungful of cool night air in a vain effort to steel his nerves. He sharply exhaled.

Kylo promptly ignited his lightsaber and slashed at the ground, leaving a burning scar on the island’s lush floor.

_ “You frighten her,”  _ he thought helplessly, echoing Rey’s words in his head over and over. He had made a point to wait and break down when he knew she was out of earshot, but he had broken down nonetheless.

Maybe Rey was right- he hadn't changed and would never change, and was certainly unworthy of her trust.

Kylo felt in his gut that he had hurt her, regardless of the truth. Maybe he had been too selfish in asking Rey to abandon everything for him; but, he had been willing to do the same.

The dark haired man walked back to the stone hut he had found from earlier, only to find the fire had faded to mere embers, and Rey was nowhere to be found.

Kylo set up camp for the night by the charred kindle, and once again took notice of the small rucksack in the corner of the hut.

He grabbed the bag and looked inside; it contained various clothes, a toothbrush, and some hair accessories.

It was no doubt Rey’s bag. He was very familiar with the grey vest that lay on top of the contents.

Underneath the clothes, he found two pieces of a lightsaber, and the familiar and unwelcome sensation of rejection bubbled up from his memories.

She had kept the saber, which made sense, as it had been her only one at the time. It had nothing to do with Kylo, he was sure.

He turned the handle over in his hands, the memories still fresh and the hurt still running deep. Having had enough, the man shoved the two pieces back into the bag and flung the sack across the hut, scowling as he stared into the fire he had rekindled.

Kylo knew the time was late, but he didn’t feel tired in the slightest. His mind was, much to his disdain, still full of Rey. He wondered where she was sleeping that night, since he was certainly at her campsite.

He thought briefly about using the force to locate her and confront her again, but he didn’t want to fight anymore. He didn’t want her to be afraid of him or to think he was a monster. It was funny - it didn’t matter what anyone else thought, but if Rey perceived him that way, it bothered him to no end.

Kylo spread his cape out on the stone floor like a mattress and tried his best to rest on it, his eyes closed but his heart heavy. Tomorrow was a new day; maybe he and Rey could start over.

Meanwhile, Rey was sprawled out restlessly in a makeshift lean-to she had hastily put together. She knew Kylo was in  _ her  _ place of refuge, and she knew he had wanted to find her there. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice; it had been a stressful night for both of them. As it stood, the best course of action would be to get the hell off of the island while he was on it.

The thought of leaving filled her with motivation but, oddly, also made Rey feel anxious. Her and Ben, alone together on a remote island, sharing a hut and sleeping by a campfire; the thought melted some of the coldness that the Jedi currently had in her heart, and she found herself drifting off to sleep, dreaming of such a scenario.

The calm night didn't last long, and midnight came quickly and violently. Kylo awoke in a chill, only to find his fire extinguished and a heavy blizzard outside. He immediately sat up and flung open the hut’s steel door; he was met with a blast of wind that nearly knocked him back onto the furs and cloths he had scrambled together during the mid-night drop in temperature.

His face dropped as he thought of Rey, and he whisked up his cloak from the floor and bundled it around his shoulders, pulling the hood up for good measure. He stepped outside and looked around; how could the weather be so dramatically different? It had been only the least bit frigid when the wind blew earlier.

Kylo closed his eyes, and reached out; he could sense Rey, but he was not quite sure where. The wind whipped his face, which was already a rosy red from the frosty air, and he wished numbly for his mask.

After some painful hiking, the First Order leader found himself in front of a large cave, and he knew she was within. At the very least, she had been wise enough to find shelter.

_ “REY!”  _ Kylo yelled into the darkness of the cave system, feeling cold and a bit desperate. There was no reply except for the wind, and Kylo begrudgingly switched on his saber for light and trudged deeper into the cave.

He came upon a dying fire rather quickly, but no signs of the scavenger that had probably lit it.

It was then that he noticed a rather sharp disturbance, and he felt the lightning heat of a lightsaber coursing mere inches from his neck; Rey was behind him, guarded, and looking quite worse for wear.

“I thought I told you we had nothing to discuss,” she said in a strained voice, the shivering of her body obvious from the tone.

Kylo ducked and quickly matched his own lightsaber to hers, turning the tide; Rey bit her lip but pressed back, fear in her eyes.

With one stroke, Kylo swung wide and hard, knocking Rey’s weapon to the ground. She scrambled to pull it to her, but by the time she had, the dark-haired man had deactivated his own lightsaber and clipped it to his belt.

“Do you truly not wish to fight?  _ You,  _ the man who fights over everything?” she said facetiously, and her words were met with a sigh.

Kylo wordlessly shrugged off his cloak in turn, and tossed it to Rey, who let it fall in front of her with a frown on her face.

“Take it,” Ben said, turning his back to her and taking the first few steps out of the cave. “Follow me.”

Rey picked up the clothing, which was surprisingly soft yet heavy, but stood her ground.

“No,” she replied defiantly, wrestling with herself to throw the garment on the cold ground again; however, his body heat had warmed up the cape, and it felt like heaven in her numb hands.

Kylo stopped walking, and simply peered over his shoulder, trying not to show whatever cold he felt in his face.

“Do the Jedi desire death so badly? Stop making my job so easy,” he joked in a cruel way, his words coming out as wisps in the frigid weather.

“It’s like a tundra out there. You’ll need more than a fire to stay warm,” he continued, absent-mindedly rubbing his gloved hands together in the cold. “Come back to the hut, unless your pride is worth more than your life and your precious Resistance.”

Rey blinked, mixed emotions running through her mind, but mostly annoyance worn on her face.

“Don’t you want me dead,  _ Ren  _ ? Didn’t you try to kill me once you knew I wasn’t going to be your pawn?” she asked, malice lacing her words, but also a hint of melancholy.

Kylo took a deep breath, trying to steel his nerves. Now was not the time for fighting, no matter how Rey’s words got to him. The freezing air certainly helped persuade him against firing back, as it was getting harder to stand still by the second.

“I do,” the Dark Jedi answered, a resigned look worn on his face. “But I want to be the one to free you from your ill fated existence.”

Rey just blinked at Kylo, either too cold or too shocked to reply. The cloak in her hands was losing heat fast, and Kylo saw it tremble in her hold, and sighed again.

“Put on the cloak, and follow me,” the tall man ordered for the last time, taking another step towards the outside. “If you don’t, I’ll order an airstrike on this island like I should have done in the first place.”

Kylo turned back one last time and added, “Need I remind you that you don’t have a ship and I do?”

Wordlessly, Rey swung Kylo’s cloak around and wrapped it around her shoulders, a sigh of relief escaping her at how warm and heavy it felt.

The cloth trailed on the snow behind her as she walked, due to their large height difference, and Rey felt both emotionally and physically small in this moment.

The two stepped out into the snow in silence and trudged back to the small stone settlement, where Kylo cursed himself for not starting a fire before he had left.

Rey plopped down on a blanket and wrapped Kylo’s cape around her like a sweater, shivering quietly as Kylo touched his lightsaber to the new firewood he had thrown on the ashes of last night.

A small flame started, which in no time grew larger and ate at the wood, and Rey breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she felt the fire warming her toes.

She took a deep breath, and found herself blushing a rosy pink, but not because of the cold this time.

Kylo’s cloak smelled like him; it was a warm, leathery scent, yet masculine and comforting. It had been a while since she'd been so close to his scent, and it resurfaced memories she had only mulled over late at night, while her chest was tight.

She raised her head to see Kylo staring at her from across the room, and he quickly looked away and pretended to be warming his hands when their eyes made contact.

There was a short, somewhat awkward pause until Kylo finally said, “Now that I have your attention, I have a question for you.”

Rey’s eyes widened and she stared intently at her rival’s hopeful face, his scent and warmth still wrapping around her like a blanket.

“I'm listening,” she responded steadily, adjusting to how strange it was to hear Ben’s voice in the same small room, both listening to the same crackling fire.

Truthfully, Kylo had a million questions swimming around in his mind. The main one that came to light was,  _ “Can we forget everything that happened?” _

But, he knew that wouldn't lead to anything but more silence and tension. So, Kylo decided to ask the second thing on his mind.

“Are you still cold?” he questioned Rey, who just stared back, somewhat dumbstruck.

“Do you want your cloak back?” the brunette replied with a question of her own, confused as to why Kylo would ask her something so off-topic.

“It’s a yes or no question,” the dark-haired man said in turn, his patience already wearing thin.

Rey pulled Kylo’s cape tighter around her and felt heat rush to her cheeks as she saw just how intently he was staring at her.

“I’m still cold, yes, but I appreciate you lending me this,” she said quietly, turning her attention back to the burning fire separating the two.

Kylo hesitated, blood rushing to his cheeks as well, but for a different reason.

“I’m cold, too,” he said quietly, keeping his gaze on Rey’s pretty face, which he saw was noticeably redder than usual.

There was an awkward pause between the two, until Rey said, “So, do you want your cloak back or not?”

“Keep it for the night,” Kylo said, slowly standing up. The jedi surveyed him cautiously as he paced slowly around the perimeter of the fire, towards her.

“What are you doing, Ben?” Rey asked the Skywalker, goosebumps forming on her skin as he approached her.

Kylo stopped in front of Rey and stood idle for a second, debating on whether or not he should follow through with his somewhat risky plan.

“I’m sitting here,” he said awkwardly, looking hopefully at Rey and the empty space beside her.

“You're sitting...next to me?” Rey reiterated, trying to figure out just what Kylo’s intentions were.

“For warmth,” he added, trying to explain his motives to Rey without explicitly saying  _ “I want to sit next to you, please.” _

Rey made a face, and began to remove Kylo’s cloak, looking bothered.

“I'm not your personal space heater,” she retorted, but the Dark Jedi quickly stooped down to her level and put his hand on hers to stop her from removing the garment.

“I said to keep it,” he muttered, but held his tongue when he saw the guarded look on Rey’s face.

Rey sighed, taking Kylo’s hand in her own and scooting over to her right a bit. Kylo felt butterflies in his stomach at the sensation of her hand on his yet again.

It was almost funny how easily she took his hand in this moment, yet had made her decision so quickly to turn it down in Snoke’s throne room. The memory soured Kylo’s mood just a tad, but he was still determined to patch things up tonight.

“Do you want to sit next to me?” the brunette asked, knowing full well the answer.

“Yes,” the dark-haired man replied, and Rey pulled his hand towards her, leading him to sit next to her, his thigh flush up against hers.

Wordlessly, Rey took her hand from Kylo and draped his cloak over both of them, sharing the warmth of the fabric with him.

“Can you see my future right now?” Kylo asked jokingly, revelling in how warm and soft she was beside him.

“No,” she replied, a smile dancing on her lips.

“I wouldn't want to if I could,” she then added in a hushed voice, her gaze shifted downwards. “I'm still unsure of what to do.”

“About what?” Kylo asked, adjusting himself to face Rey, his chest suddenly feeling rather heavy.

Rey gulped, peering over at Kylo out of the corner of her eye.

“About you, about me. About us, I suppose,” she said.

She could feel Kylo tense beside her, since his leg was pressed against hers; she felt immediate regret, and reached her hand out to him again, anticipating.

“Please,” she started, her voice threatening to break as she blinked back tears, her amber eyes boring into his onyx ones. “Can we start again? I want to be able to trust you.”

Kylo stared back and tenderly brushed his fingertips against hers, the electricity of the moment running across his skin and right to his heart, which he found was pounding in his ears.

“I want you to help me,” Kylo whispered, moving his fingers from her hand to her cheek; Rey flinched slightly at the contact, but eased into his caress and cursed herself for being so quick to cry around Ben Solo.

“I will,” she promised, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face against his shoulder, fresh tears staining his shirt.

Kylo wordlessly snaked his arms around Rey’s waist in turn and held her tight, the room completely silent save for the fire and Rey’s muffled sobs.

The two broke apart after a few seconds, and Rey found the courage to rest her head on Ben’s shoulder as they continued to stare into the fireplace, not sure of what they should say.

Kylo was feeling a bit conflicted; he felt the familiar pull to the light, as he always did, but it had always made him uneasy as well.

He was content for the first time in a long time with Rey up against him and no one to answer to. However, his tiredness was beginning to get to him, and he had planned on staying the nights on the island in his space cruiser.

Kylo hesitated, then wrapped his arm around Rey’s shoulder, taking a deep, shuddering breath as he did so.

Rey sat incredibly still in the moment, her heart beating a million miles a parsec. The First Order Leader’s arm was large and comforting, and she inhaled deeply, relief flooding her senses.

Ben’s earthy scent was one thousand times better in person, and she snuggled closer against him, nervously biting her lip as she allowed her hand to rest right above his knee, which earned her a slight shiver from her dark counterpart.

“Is this too much?” Rey asked anxiously, scared that she had crossed whatever boundaries they were constantly rewriting, but Kylo aggressively shook his head and held her tighter to him, and Rey could feel the erratic beating of his heart in his chest.

“I want you to come to my ship with me,” the dark haired man said, his cheeks and chest flooded with heat, but his body still very much registering the fact that it was freezing outside. “I have heating, a bed, food…”

Kylo trailed off, scared to look at Rey’s face and see the reaction she was having to his words.

Rey studied his every feature, trying to catch the slightest tell, the smallest giveaway that Kylo was planning on betraying her.

She trembled against him, but Kylo sat still out of fear.

“I want to trust you, Ben,” she pleaded, her voice barely audible above the bonfire. “I can't know you won't turn me in to the First Order.”

Kylo’s grip around Rey’s shoulder tightened, and he clenched his free fist, weighing the options on his mind.

“I am  _ done  _ with the First Order,” he claimed, but he wasn't sure if he would be able to promise Rey that he could abandon what was now his home.

Rey furrowed her brows and lifted her hand from Kylo’s thigh, considering his words.

A warm, soft bed was definitely one of her favorite things since leaving Jakku, and it was certainly preferable to sleeping on the stone floor of the cold hut.

“How can I know you mean that?” she asked, scanning Ben’s eyes for answers.

“Search my mind,” the taller man offered, not wanting to lose Rey a second time. He desperately reached out to her through the force, wanting to prove he had no intent of tricking her.

He sincerely wished to spend the night with her and mend their broken bond.

Rey sat next to him in silence for a brief moment, then stood up and looked to him, then the door.

“Shall we go, then?” she asked restlessly, reaching for the cloak that she had accidentally let fall to the floor.

Kylo took her outstretched hand and stood up, grabbing the cloak himself; he draped it around her shoulders and clasped it at the front for her so it wouldn’t slip off.

Rey gave the Dark Jedi her first genuine smile since she had arrived on the island as they linked hands and ventured into the frigid night.

They walked in silence, Kylo leading Rey by the hand as they trekked over the lush island, now covered with a layer of powdery snow.

The pair quickly arrived at Kylo’s command shuttle, and hurried in to get out of the cold.

Rey looked around curiously, enjoying the central heat of the space craft. She had never been on Kylo’s ship before, so she was eager to see the design and controls.

She could feel her eyelids growing heavy, however, so maybe she should find the bed he spoke of first.

Kylo was standing awkwardly by the bay doors, watching Rey in his ship as though it were a dream. A good dream, but still outlandish and improbable.

Yet, there she was - smiling and exploring his ship, which he was suddenly very glad he had ordered to be cleaned before his trip.

The brunette saw Kylo’s transfixed reflection in the ship’s viewport, and she whipped around to face him, slightly embarrassed that she had started walking around his property without a word.

“Do you like it?” the Dark Jedi asked diffidently, breaking the silence between the two.

Rey nodded and pulled the man’s cape off, outstretching her hand to give it back to him.

“Thanks again,” she expressed, taking the opportunity to walk up to Kylo, who seemed even more uncertain than her.

His face was filled with anticipation as he wordlessly opened the door closest to the two; Rey gave him a quizzical look, but peered in the now revealed room.

It was a small area with dark grey walls, dim yet warm lighting, and a singular queen-sized bed.

“This is my bedroom,” Kylo explained, taking his cloak from Rey and draping it across a chair.

He brushed past her and walked over to the metal dresser in the corner, pulling out some clothes.

Rey stood, perplexed, staring at the bed; it hadn’t dawned on her that they would be sharing a mattress.

“Are you okay with sharing the bed?” the Jedi managed to say, her voice sounding much less confident than she would have liked.

Kylo sucked in a lungful of air; he had been so blinded by the happenings of tonight and so excited to have Rey on his ship that he had nearly forgotten about the fact that they would have to share a bed.

“I can sleep somewhere else,” he offered, deciding that the rug in the hall might not be the worst choice.

“No, it’s...it’s alright,” the brunette woman insisted, walking over to the bed. She made a move to sit on it, but quickly stopped herself.

“Sorry, my clothes are still wet from the snow,” she explained, noticing Kylo’s questioning gaze.

The dark-haired man looked pensive for a second, then said, “Would you like to borrow a shirt?”

Rey could feel the blood rushing to her face all over again as Kylo offered her one of the garments he had taken from his dresser earlier.

“I’ve already borrowed your cloak, I couldn’t possibly-,” she began, but Kylo threw the shirt to her, and she reflexively caught it.

“I told you not to worry about that,” he snapped, but in a light-hearted tone. “You can borrow whatever you like. I'm going to go change.”

Rey looked at Kylo quizzically, his shirt held tightly in her hand.

“Change into what?” she asked, honestly confused.

“Night clothes,” the dark Jedi replied simply, and he slipped out of the room, using the moment of privacy to catch his breath.

He disrobed quickly and quietly, and as he did, he mulled over every moment he and Rey had spent together since he had first arrived on the island.

The hug, the hand holding, her head on his shoulder, her hand on his thigh…

The last bit caused memories of her touch to make his skin tingle, and he felt his whole body grow hotter as he thought about what it might feel like if she did something similar in bed.

Kylo gulped. He couldn't deny it any longer. Whether he wanted to or not, he had feelings for Rey.

He had known this for a while, somewhere in the back of his mind, but he had been able to ignore it what with his orders from Snoke and the plans to wipe out the Resistance once and for all.

But now, all those things had come to pass, and he was alone on Ahch-To with the very woman he had spent many a night awake in bed thinking about.

Whether or not he should act on these feelings or - dare he say it -  _ tell her  _ about them, he had no idea. Rey had returned his touches, and his advances in the hut; could that be a sign that she felt similarly? Making assumptions was never a safe bet.

Kylo swallowed hard, and checked himself over in the glossy shine of his ship’s viewport before knocking on the door to the ship’s sleeping quarters.

“Come in,” a sheepish voice said from inside, and the dark Jedi opened the door and stepped in, his eyes wide at the girl sitting on his bed.

Rey was wearing his black t-shirt, which came down to around her mid-thigh, and she had her hair down in a middle part, framing her face neatly.

Rey stared at Kylo as well; he was wearing black sweatpants and nothing else, most likely because she was wearing his shirt. She admired his bare chest and was reminded of their Force connection in which he had also been half naked, and a blush crept up on her cheeks.

Kylo did his best to keep his gaze on Rey as he meandered over to the bed and plopped down on the edge beside her, his heart thudding quite violently in his chest.

He had never seen her in such casual attire, and the fact that it was his shirt made him enjoy it all the more.

He was at a loss for words; he knew what he  _ wanted  _ to say, but he didn't want to push things too far.

Rey turned away and smoothed over one of the bed’s pillows, just to do something with her hands; she stole a glance at Kylo, and moved a little closer, their thighs now pressed up against each other once again.

“Can I touch you?” she said in such a small voice that Kylo hadn't even been sure he was hearing her at all.

Kylo felt his breath hitch in his throat and he nodded, intertwining his fingers with Rey’s own.

Rey’s head rested against his shoulder again, and she placed her free hand on the inside of his knee, lower than where it had been in the hut but further on the inside of his leg.

Kylo’s heart was racing, and he could sense that Rey’s was too; he felt like his chest might explode as the brunette began moving her thumb in a circular motion, innocently massaging his leg, and he couldn't stand the tension any longer.

“Rey,” he began, his voice husky and deep, and his breathing rather shallow. “I have another question for you.”

“Mm?” the Jedi replied contently, her movements becoming more rigid.

She was afraid she might have made him upset, made him want her to stop; she felt as though every move she made could cause her to fall off the edge and lose Ben all over again.

She gasped as Kylo rested his hand on her bare thigh and turned to face her, his eyes flickering with a passion she hadn't seen in them before.

“Can I kiss you?” Kylo asked, his optics restlessly observing Rey for any and every reaction she had to his question.

Rey was floored. Of everything she thought he was going to say, that had been one of her secret wishes, not a possibility.

“Yes,” she replied breathlessly, and Kylo wordlessly took her face in his hands and pressed his lips to Rey’s, revelling in how soft she was.

Rey kissed him back, needily and desperately, and she soon found herself on her back with Kylo propped up above her, his hands now in her hair and by her waist.

The Jedi grew frustrated at how little of Kylo she was getting and how much more she craved, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss her deeper; he swiped his tongue along her lower lip in turn, wanting to taste and feel her more.

Rey’s tongue eagerly met his, and the kiss deepened; the need for air grew more pressing, but neither of the two dared separate.

Rey’s hands wandered down Kylo’s back, feeling every taut muscle tense and flex under his smooth skin as he reacted to her touch. The dark-haired man placed his knee between her legs to steady himself, and Rey outright moaned at the contact.

It was then that Kylo pulled away. He was out of breath, and half a mind to kiss her again until morning broke.

He surveyed Rey, who’s chest rose and fell with every breath she took. Her hair was not nearly as straight and neat as before, and her shirt had been hiked up during their positioning; Kylo quickly looked away and Rey sat up and adjusted herself, her face a deep pink.

She grabbed Ben’s hand and held it tight, willing him to look her in the eyes.

“Sorry,” the dark-haired man said, and Rey cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Sorry for what?” she said, still somewhat out of breath.

“I took it too far,” Kylo answered, running his hand through his hair, his cheeks burning with color.

He was trying hopelessly to calm down, trying not to look as aroused as he felt, but knowing it was not working in any galaxy.

“You didn’t take anything too far,” Rey assured him, stroking his arm gently, her gaze wandering downwards; her knees felt weak as the noticed a sizable bulge in the lap of Kylo’s sweatpants, and she could feel her heart drop to her stomach.

The dark jedi noticed her gaze and shifted his position, noting that her hand had stopped moving up and down his arm and instead hung limply against his tricep.

He was almost too embarrassed for words; he was turned on, it was true. The kiss had left him burning hot and craving more, but he couldn’t risk pushing Rey too far. That had been the downfall of their relationship in the throne room, and the pinpricks of that fear pierced his mind even now.

“I did,” Ben continued, his dark eyes smoldering in the shadows of the room, boring intensely into Rey’s brown ones. “I should have told you how I feel first.”

The words finally managed to fall from Kylo’s lips and not just run through his head. He was so close to letting go and conveying to Rey just how much he truly  _ did  _ care; he could see it in Rey’s captivated expression that she knew what he was trying to say, but couldn’t quite believe it.

“And how  _ do  _ you feel?” the jedi asked softly, her face kept intentionally blank, quickly hiding any anticipation she was feeling.

She wanted this moment to be entirely decided by Ben himself. She didn’t want any pretenses or false claims, didn’t want to know what Snoke or Hux or Luke or anyone had instilled in him.

She wanted his own voice and mind for once.

Kylo took a deep, trembling breath, and searched his thoughts for the right thing to say.

“In your mind, I had seen that you desired someone to belong to. I want to be that someone. I care for you, Rey.”

Kylo stumbled over these words, and he thought he might be going into cardiac arrest. His head was light. His hand grabbed at his shirt over his chest, only to realize he was topless. Rey was just  _ staring  _ at him, and he didn’t know if that was good or bad. He prayed it was at the least something in between.

Rey eventually gave him a kind-hearted grin, and she decided to take his face in her hands.

Kylo’s mouth hung open, and Rey kissed it shut, pressing their lips together in a chaste yet passionate caress.

“I care for you, too,” Rey replied, breaking away and relishing the sweet yet shocked expression on Ben’s face. “That’s why I want you to come back to the resistance base with me.”

Kylo raised his eyebrows, staring at the former scavenger in disbelief.

“Back to the base? I can’t,” he started sharply, earning a troubled look from Rey.

“You told me you were done with the First Order,” the brunette reminded him, her face unwavering as she looked him dead in the eyes, pleading.

“I’m not going to march back to my…,” Kylo trailed off, his eyes shutting slowly as he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “Back into the hands of the enemy. They want me dead.”

“I’ll tell them you’ve changed,” Rey petitioned, gripping the dark-haired man’s arm firmly, her eyes alight with the same fire he had seen when she had first urged him to the light.

“That you’ve turned,” she continued adamantly. Her features softened to almost sadness, and she gave him a wary expression. “You have turned, haven’t you?”

Kylo felt himself on the verge of a collapse; he grabbed a fistful of the bed sheets and looked at Rey’s familiar face, wondering if would even be  _ able  _ to renounce the dark.

“Help me,” he all but begged, his voice hoarse. “I’m conflicted.”

Rey simply nodded, stroking his arm once again.

“Just trust me,” she assured him. “Come with me. I won’t let anything happen to you. If they arrest you, then they arrest me, too.”

Kylo took Rey’s hand, almost by instinct at this point. He nodded back, and then yawned, glancing at the digital clock mounted on the wall.

It was about two in the morning, and he suddenly felt very lethargic.

“I trust you,” he murmured, lying back on the bed, his arms outstretched.

Rey followed suit and rested her head on his arm, pulling the covers over the two.

Kylo felt himself melt into the bed along with his heart; he felt light and carefree with Rey’s head on his arm as she whispered “goodnight” to him.

“Goodnight,” he said back, not yet wanting the night to end, but hoping there was even more in store for them in the morning.

He turned off the one light in the room and quickly drifted to sleep with the jedi beside him, deciding to put his worries on hold for the night.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Kylo awoke with a jolt to the sound of his ship’s intruder alarm blaring loudly throughout the room.

He sat upright almost immediately, and momentarily forgot where he was and what was going on.

Still disoriented, he slipped out of his bed and grabbed his lightsaber, angrily but cautiously trudging towards the door.

“Ben? What’s going on?” a familiar voice called from behind him, making Kylo nearly jump.

He looked over his shoulder to see a very sleepy and perturbed looking Rey, her hair unkempt and her eyes red. 

“Someone’s on the ship,” Kylo replied simply as he continued through the door. “Stay here.”

“Someone’s on the ship!?” she echoed back to him in disbelief, force pulling her temporary weapon to herself as well and following Kylo, suddenly very awake.

Kylo felt a familiar presence in the holding room of his ship, and he ignited his saber, stepping out to face the infiltrator.

Rey peered around him and then grabbed his arm that was holding the sword, her eyes wide.

_ “Finn!” _ she exclaimed, rushing up the the bewildered looking man that had broken into Kylo’s ship. 

The former storm trooper was in shock as he slowly lowered the blaster he had been brandishing and fixed his eyes on Rey and Kylo, his mouth agape.

“Rey! Are you alright?” he asked desperately, looking her up and down, a look of worry worn on his face. That worry quickly faded to confusion as he observed that she was not only perfectly fine, but very clearly wearing an oversized men’s t-shirt.

He also couldn’t help but notice he tall frame of none other than  _ Kylo Ren _ standing behind her wielding a burning light saber, and Finn pulled Rey towards him, concern etched on his features.

“What the fuck is going on here?” he asked angrily, pointing his blaster at the new Supreme Leader while looking Rey up and down incredulously, pointing at her shirt.

“I can explain,” Rey began slowly, placing her hand on Finn’s shoulder. “Please put the gun down. Kylo Ren has turned.”

“What makes you think that, huh?” the resistance member replied, not buying a word of what Rey was saying. “This is the man that killed Solo and ordered the base,  _ our _ base, to be destroyed. He tried to kill you, Rey. He tried to kill us both.”

“What makes  _ you  _ think you can break into my command shuttle?” Kylo spat from behind the two; Rey quickly whipped around and gave Kylo a pleading look, and Finn took a step towards the dark jedi, hate clearly written on his face.

“Was I talking to you?” he retorted, and Rey pulled Finn back, getting upset as well.

“I know what he did, but I promise you, it’s not all what you think-,” she started, but was cut off by Kylo interjecting with, “If I wanted you dead, then you wouldn’t be here standing on my shuttle.”

Rey turned back to Kylo and said, “Ben, please”, but was once again interrupted, this time by a loud guffaw from Finn.

“ _ Ben?  _ Did you just call Snoke’s poster child  _ Ben _ ?” he inquired in disbelief, and then turned to Kylo. “You’re not Ben Solo. You’re just an ugly little man who managed to become even more ugly by taking off a mask.”

_ “Finn,  _ do not talk to him like that,” Rey snapped, her eyes narrowed. “Like it or not, Ben Solo is coming back to the base with us. He has changed, and I’m making him our ally.”

Finn just stared at Rey, at a loss for words. He rubbed his temples and shook his head, shook to his core.

“Rey, I tried so hard to get away from all this,” he began dismally, unable to look her in the eyes. “To get away from the First Order, to keep you and everyone else safe - and now you’re telling me you want to bring  _ Ben Solo _ back to our secret base while you’re wearing his shirt?”

Rey balked at his statement and Finn rolled his eyes at her, adding, “And don’t tell it’s not his shirt.”

“Finn, we need to talk. Alone,” Rey added, looking to Kylo, who crossed his arms over his chest and stood his ground.

“I should be allowed to hear whatever it is you have to tell him,” the dark jedi reasoned, looking to Rey desperately.

“Please,” Rey begged Kylo, her eyes dewy. 

Kylo hesitated, and glared at Finn, his brows furrowed.

“I’ll be back in two minutes,” he announced, his lightsaber still alight in his hand. “Don’t touch her.”

“How about  _ you  _ don’t even _l_ _ ook  _ at-,” Finn began, but Rey quickly grabbed his arm and gave him a stern look. 

Finn watched in seething silence as Kylo opened the door on the wall and left the two; the ex-storm trooper managed to peer into the room before the door slid shut, and he realized in horror that he had seen a singular bed with two sides of disheveled covers.

“Rey,” he said, already knowing what the answer to his next question would be. “Where did you sleep last night?”

Rey just stared at Finn wordlessly, until she finally said, “Why does that matter?”

“Rey, did you sleep with Kylo Ren?” Finn asked in a fierce whisper, not believing the words leaving his mouth.

“I didn’t  _ sleep  _ with him!” the brunette hissed, her face now flushed.

“Did you share a bed with him?” the man continued to interrogate, and Rey looked away, biting her lip.

Finn placed his hands on either of her arms, at this point not caring about the fact that he thought she had been kidnapped or that Kylo Ren had killed her. He just wanted to know what the hell was going on.

“What happened between you two?” he asked slowly, his eyes staring into Rey’s earnestly.

“We’ve been connected by the Force,” she explained, trying to choose her words carefully. “It had happened a lot during my training with Luke Skywalker. I saw that there was conflict in him, and-”

“And he didn’t turn,” Finn guessed, remembering the First Order’s attack on Crait the day Rey had returned. Rey nodded.

“We met by chance again here,” she continued, her face red yet again. “I decided to start over with him. There’s just something about him, Finn - I want to trust him. I want to take him back with us.”

“You love him,” Finn said simply, putting his hands in his jacket pockets. Rey blinked.

“I…” She trailed off. Love was a strong word, but was it such a far reach? She shook her head, searching for the right words.

“What happened last night?” Finn inquired, pressing Rey for more information. She tried her best to throw away her pride and let Finn in, but she was also embarrassed.

“We fought, but then we talked and sat together. I held his hand,” she spat out, almost finding freedom in confessing all of this to her friend. “I hugged him. I-”

“You kissed him?” Finn interrupted again, and Rey huffed at him, sick of being unable to finish a sentence.

“I kissed him, yes. Well, he kissed me. We kissed. I know,” she began, feeling the need to defend herself as she studied Finn’s agitated expression.

“You kissed Kylo Ren!? I brought Rose with me to come pick you up, you know,” he expressed, irritated again. “What am I gonna tell Rose?”

His features suddenly became more serious, and he said in a hushed voice, “I can’t tell Rose. I can’t tell  _ anybody.  _ We have to cover this up.”

“I’m tired of covering up how I feel,” Rey replied exasperatedly, trying to reason with Finn. “So is Ben. That’s why he’s been so troubled.”

Finn rolled his eyes.

“Oh, poor Kylo Ren. So troubled, having to hide his true feelings,” Finn muttered, resigning himself for the time being to accept the situation.

He turned to Rey, who did not at all look pleased with him. At that exact moment, the bedroom door slid open, and Kylo Ren stepped out, donning his normal attire. 

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” he said simply, walking over to Rey and standing much closer to her than he needed to.

Finn narrowed his eyes but put his blaster in his holster.

“Look, Ren,” he began, pointing a finger at the Dark Jedi. “If we’re taking you back to the resistance base, I’m gonna have to put handcuffs on you or something.”

“I'm not going to let you do anything to me,” Kylo spat, and Rey gave him a very tired frown.

“Then give me your lightsaber,” she said, secretly interlocking her fingers with his behind his back. “Does this ship have autopilot?”

“It does,” Kylo replied, his tone softer as he squeezed Rey’s hand in his. 

“Good. You can have it follow us,” the brunette explained, taking her hand from Kylo’s after giving it one last squeeze. 

“Whenever you’re ready, Ren,” Finn added, his dark eyes constantly flickering from Rey to Kylo, as though he was trying to see some invisible force between the two.

“Here,” Kylo grumbled, handing his lightsaber over to Rey. “I trust that if we run into trouble, I’ll get it back.”

“Of course,” Rey replied, marveling at the large lightsaber handle. She hadn’t been able to hold it for long before, but she couldn’t help turning it over in her palm and admiring every detail of Kylo’s blade, so different yet similar from Luke’s.

She noticed Finn and Kylo watching her, and quickly stowed the weapon in her bag, her hands now behind her back.

Finn rolled his eyes, and he marched over to the exit, peering back at the pair as he did.

“There’s a girl named Rose who’s going to be travelling with us,” he explained in a warnful tone, his eyes on Kylo. “Do  _ not _ talk to her. Don’t even look at her.”

Kylo frowned, wondering why Finn was even bothering with this anecdote. He only had one person he was planning on paying any attention to the entire trip, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let an ex-Stormtrooper or some resistance girl get in the way.

“I have no interest in a Resistance member,” he said coldly, his thoughts somewhat clouded on account of the growing fear in his heart of seeing his mother again and perhaps never going back to his familiar bridge on the First Order Destroyer.

“Oh, I think you do,” Finn said back haughtily, and Kylo shot the shorter man a look that could kill.

Rey clicked her tongue at Finn, and the three finally left the command shuttle and stepped out onto the melting snow on the island.

Kylo made sure to lock his bay doors before the trio left; he was carrying two bags, one containing some essentials for the trip, and the other one belonging to Rey.

The dark Jedi hung back and let Finn gain a lead ahead of him and Rey, and when he thought the rebel scum was finally out of earshot, he brushed his hand against Rey’s, his heart beating loudly in his chest once again.

“Rey,” he began, his voice soft but also insecure. “What did you tell Finn?”

The woman hesitated, unsure how Kylo would react if he knew just how much about last night she had divulged to her friend.

“I told him that I trust you, and that’s all he needs to know,” she replied, trying to keep the topic cut short.

“Seemed to me like he knew more,” Ben pointed out, but Rey merely shrugged in response.

Kylo hesitated, then said in a low voice, “I don’t mind if people know what happened.”

Rey brushed her knuckles against Kylo’s, and felt her face heat up as the weight of what he really meant hit her.

“Let’s wait and see what happens after we arrive at the base first,” she replied, trying not to get Ben’s hopes up.

As ecstatic as she was about what had happened between them last night, she wasn’t sure if she wanted all of the Resistance knowing she had spent the night with Kylo Ren.

“...Are you ashamed?” Kylo asked, his voice steady but his face clearly concerned.

“I am not,” Rey assured him, linking her index finger with his. “It’s nobody’s business but ours, and I’d prefer to keep it private.”

“Do you think you’ll always want to keep ‘us’ private?” the dark-haired man questioned, and Rey nearly stopped walking.

“I don’t know what exactly ‘us’ is,” she said softly, biting her lip.

Kylo didn’t know how to answer Rey, exactly. To him, they were at the very least allies, but last night had certainly pushed him to think of her as more. He had told her he cared for her, and she had returned his feelings; wouldn’t that make them lovers? Or would he have to formally ask?

The Dark Jedi’s head was beginning to pound as he thought things over, and realized things might not ever advance between them with no label. 

Before he could reply to her, Finn called out to the two.

“We’re here,” he hollered over, standing by the Millenium Falcon and a petite girl in an orange jumpsuit and leather jacket.

Kylo felt his skin crawl at the site of that accursed ship.

“I do not want to fly on this ship,” he hissed, and then accidentally made eye contact with the orange-clad girl that Finn had warned him about.

Immediately, she whipped out what appeared to be a taser from her jacket pocket and turned towards Kylo, her teeth bared.

“Rose, don't!” Finn shouted out as the girl drew closer to Kylo, her hand trembling but her intent clear.

Instinctively, Kylo held his hand up to push her away with the Force to protect himself; unfortunately, Rey had done the same only a few feet from him, her eyes wide with fear, and Rose was sent flying into the Falcon, her back hitting the exterior with a painful sounding thud.

There was utter and complete silence, save for Finn’s belabored breathing, and the black-haired girl lay face first on the ground, not moving.

“What the hell!?” Finn groaned, walking over to Rose and checking her pulse; he breathed a sigh of relief when he found that she was in fact alive.

Finn pulled out his blaster again and aimed it at Kylo, his nostrils flared.

“You went too far, Ren,” he warned, his finger dangerously close to squeezing the trigger.

“It was my fault,” Rey blurted out, rushing over to where Rose was. “I pushed her back as well. The combined force is why she flew back so hard. Ben wasn't trying to hurt-”

“Why did you push her back, Rey? And stop calling him Ben in front of me,” the ex-storm trooper snapped, and Kylo aggressively approached Fin, taking Rey’s arm.

“Don't tell her what to do, and don't act like your friend wasn't acting out of line,” he growled, almost possessively holding Rey close to him. 

The Jedi girl was at a loss for words, and she simply shrank into his touch, fearing Finn’s next retort.

“Help me get her on the ship,” was all he said and he turned his back to the two.

Rey felt a lump form in her throat as the tone of Finn’s voice fully registered with her; he was hurt, and disappointed. She didn't know what to do.

She felt Kylo squeeze her arm reassuringly and then let go, grabbing the bag that Rose had been carrying and letting Rey assist Finn in helping her up.

The three quietly boarded the ship, although Ben did so reluctantly.

Rose was unconscious still, and Finn laid her on a cot in the ship’s common area.

Kylo was concerned. He had never liked FN-2187, but now that he saw how angry the man acted around Rey, he was almost certain that FN was jealous of him and her interacting.

He thought about saying something to Rey about it, but the air between them was somewhat awkward since the small conversation they had about the “us” matter.

Rey was currently hovering by Finn, which didn’t help Kylo’s mood at all.

“Need a co-pilot?” she asked optimistically, happily studying the familiar controls of the Millenium Falcon. 

“I have one,” he retorted, starting up the ship and motioning towards Rose’s limp form on the cot.

Rey frowned.

“You don’t want my help?” she asked, sitting down in the co-pilot chair with her arms crossed over her chest.

“That’s not it,” Finn said in a tired voice, turning his chair towards the brunette woman. “I want you to make sure Kylo doesn’t do anything.”

“He won’t do-”

“I don’t trust him on the ship without supervision, and especially with Rose unconscious,” Finn interrupted, pointing to the holding area and motioning for Rey to go.

Rey rolled her eyes and stood up, making her way out of the cockpit.

She stopped for a moment in the doorway and flashed her friend a smile and added, “Thanks, Finn. For trusting me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Finn replied as the ship began to launch, and Rey ran back to where she knew she’d find Kylo no doubt moping.

“Hey,” she said softly, sitting down beside him; the two were seated on a bench opposite Rose’s cot, and Kylo had his elbows resting on his knees and seemed to be deep in thought.

“What’s on your mind?” Rey asked, studying Ben’s face curiously. 

He sat up and turned to look at her, his face stoic but tinged a light pink.

“I never thought I’d be on this piece of junk again,” he grumbled, frowning as he looked around. “It brings back bad memories.”

“Well, it’s the fastest ship we have, so you won’t be riding it for too long,” the brunette assured him. “Anything I can do to make the ride more livable?”

Kylo hesitated, his dark eyes boring into Rey’s amber ones. 

“Yes,” he began in a low voice, resting one of his hands on Rey’s knee; she felt goosebumps form along her skin at how warm yet foreign his touch still was, and she swallowed.

“What?” she questioned, her mind swimming with possibilities. She had a pretty good idea of what was coming next, however.

“Let me kiss you again,” Kylo all but demanded, his hand sliding up and feeling more of Rey’s soft, supple body, yet through her trousers; the brunette’s breath hitched in her throat and she felt her heart speed up ten-fold at Kylo’s request.

“ _H_ _ ere?”  _ she asked in shock, her bright eyes instinctively flickering to Rose’s silhouette under her blanket, then to Kylo’s smoldering eyes, then to Kylo’s large hand on her inner thigh.

“Yes, here,” Kylo replied huskily, losing his patience. His hold on her thigh tightened, and Rey emitted a small whimper, almost, and Kylo took that opportunity to close the remaining space between the two.

Kylo’s lips pressed against Rey’s needily and hungrily, with far more desperation than their first kiss; Rey felt herself melting into the tall man as he kissed her more deeply, and she would be lying if she said she hadn’t missed his sweet taste.

The jedi found herself wrapping her arms around Kylo and pulling him in closer, and the dark-haired man’s hands gripped Rey’s hips in turn, earning him a small gasp from the girl.

The Knight of Ren took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Rey’s mouth, and her hands fisted in his cloak as her inexperienced tongue pressed back against his.

The two broke apart briefly, their eyelids half mast and their breathing heavy; Kylo brushed his lips against Rey’s left ear and whispered torridly, “Do you like it when I kiss you?”

Rey could literally feel her face burning with embarrassment; Kylo’s breath tickled her ear and his deep voice sent shivers down her spine as she stared into his onyx eyes.

“I do,” she said simply, although she wasn't sure why Ben was asking her this out of the blue. 

“Was I your first kiss, Rey?” the dark Jedi continued, his breath ghosting from her ear down to her neck now; Rey held the man even tighter against her as she tensed at the feeling of his warmth by her throat.

“You were,” she replied hoarsely, perturbed that Kylo wasn't being her third kiss right this second. 

“You were mine, too,” Kylo admitted in a voice she could barely hear against her ear, and Rey’s eyes widened; she screwed them shut quickly again as Kylo’s tongue swiped languidly along her neck, and then his lips connected with her jugular and he began to kiss and suck the flushed skin he found there. 

All too suddenly, the ship lurched forward and into warp speed without warning, and quite violently; Kylo found himself on the ship’s floor within seconds, with a very surprised looking Rey on top of him, her lips still red from his attentions.

He found himself staring at her lips, transfixed, wanting to make them red all over again, but Rey immediately tensed against him as the bulkhead doors behind them pair slid open.

“Rey, I heard a crash,” Finn began, his eyes first fixing on Rose, and then downwards to Kylo and Rey sprawled out in a heap on the tiled floor. “Is everything o…”

The pilot trailed off as he processed the sight before him.

Rey and Kylo were disheveled and red in stark contrast to the white interior of the falcon, and Rey looked as if she had seen a ghost as she fearfully looked at Finn.

Kylo was just plain frustrated; he feared their night on his ship might have been the only alone time he would ever get with her.

“Sorry,” Finn muttered as he turned away and slipped back into the cockpit, wishing the scene from his mind.

Kylo groaned internally, realizing just how sexually frustrated he really was. He felt the way he had felt last night; his mind was foggy and he had a not-so-easily hideable bulge in his pants. He quickly sat up and shifted away from Rey, not wanting her to discover his secret.

Rey felt like electricity was shooting through her every nerve and pooling in her center, but in a very foreign and arousing way.

She stood up and turned away from Kylo, but he abruptly grabbed her arm and pulled her back against him, his brow furrowed.

“What?” Rey asked simply, and Kylo held her face in his hands and just  _ stared _ at her, his expression one of longing and lust.

“I want more,” he said simply, his breath mingling with Rey’s as he brought their lips together closer.

Rey simply closed her eyes and leaned in; the two Force-users shared a short, chaste kiss, and Kylo was far from satisfied, but he pulled away rather quickly and went to sit back on the lounge.

Rey was checking on Rose when the ship went through some more turbulence; the two knew that meant they had left warp speed.

“What happened?” an unfamiliar voice croaked, making Kylo whip around in Rey’s direction.

Rose had come to, and was staring up at Rey in utter confusion.

“You fell unconscious, but we’re heading back to the Resistance base,” the brunette replied, but Rose was no longer paying attention.

She was glaring daggers at Kylo, and she ripped her blanket off and sat up with the intention to charge at the man, Rey being the only thing quite literally holding her back.

“What is  _ he  _ doing on the Falcon?” Rose spat, pointing an accusing finger at the ex-First Order member.

“He's turned to the light,” Rey sputtered, trying to get Rose to lie back down. “It’s okay. He's with me.”

The petite girl turned her attention back to Rey and suddenly realized she was meeting  _ the _ Rey for the first time, the Resistance hero.

She look at her in admiration, but there was a prevalent glimmer of doubt in her eyes.

“Are you sure?” she questioned, and both women glanced at Kylo.

Kylo simply nodded, but inside, he felt much turmoil over the question at hand. In his mind, “turning to the light” wasn’t just some simple thing like Rey made it out to be. He had killed his father, his master, and maybe somewhere along the line, even Ben Solo.

But he was willing to follow Rey down whatever strange and alien path his emotions were leading him towards, and that seemed to be enough for both of them at the moment.

“I’m Rey, by the way,” Rey greeted Rose, extending a hand to the now conscious girl; Rose eagerly shook it, and smiled, replying with, “I know. I’m Rose.”

All three people in the lounge looked to the doors on the left wall as they then opened, and Finn stepped into the room.

“We’re here,” he announced, and the ship was most definitely sinking down.

Finn’s eyes lit up as he saw that Rose was finally awake, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“You feeling alright, Rose?” he asked the girl, who eagerly nodded in turn. 

She frowned quickly after, though, her disposition towards Kylo’s presence not the best.

“I know,” Finn mouthed wordlessly, motioning for Rose to follow him. “Let’s go.”

Finn and Rose left Kylo and Rey behind as they exited the Falcon first, and Rey walked to the doorway to follow them; she lingered behind when she saw that Kylo was still sedentary on the ship lounge.

She turned to him and saw the familiar lost expression he had worn so many times during their Force connections, and even in person - he was conflicted.

“What’s wrong?” she asked the seated man, who gazed up at her with a resigned air.

“ _ This _ is all wrong,” was all the dark-haired man could mutter in response, looking back down at his interlocked fingers in his lap. “I should have never come here.”

Rey gave him a pained expression and sat down next to the slouching Kylo, her heart feeling like it was caught in her throat.

“You’d rather go back to the First Order?” she asked hoarsely, hoping he didn’t earnestly want to return there.

Kylo shook his head, twiddling his thumbs in his lap.

“Honestly, I want to take you to the outer rim and start fresh,” he explained, a hint of a laugh in his voice, but also a hint of desperate truth. “But I know that’s impossible for you.”

“Meeting your mother again will be hard, I know,” Rey replied softly, a blush worn on his face due to the outer rim comment. “General Leia is kind. She wants you home. You have nothing to worry about beyond today, Ben.”

“I have you to worry about, now,” Kylo breathed, turning to Rey, hoping for some kind of reaction; instead, she just stared at him, still worried, and her eyes still searching.

Kylo stood up and strode ahead of her, and the Jedi’s gaze fell on his back.

“Let’s go,” he ordered, marching out ahead of her, the harsh sunlight of the planet they had arrived on streaming into the Falcon from the open bay doors. 

“Ben,” Rey called after him, scrambling to her feet, but he was already on the gravely ground, worn down from the many spacecraft landings over the years.

Kylo felt numb, and he wasn’t entirely sure why. Between Rey’s dismissal of what he’d said and their awkward conversation about what they “were”, he was feeling especially small and alone on this unknown planet he’d been brought to.

He could hear Rey’s footsteps behind him, but they barely registered as very suddenly, the blood in his veins ran ice cold.

There was a ringing in his ears, and he staggered forward, clutching at his chest; every belabored breath he drew came as a struggle.

This familiar, frigid, unsettling feeling in his gut was hitting him ten-fold, and he could remember exactly where and when he’d felt it before.

He whipped around just in time to witness Rey about to crumple to her knees; in one swift movement, he held onto her and kept her upright.

They locked eyes, and when he saw the fear and disbelief etched on her face, he knew that the disturbance he had just felt in the Force had come to pass.

Leia was gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose to have Rey be Kylo's first kiss despite Ryan Johnson's interview about the "spin the lightsaber" bit, because he did say "maybe." I feel like Kylo's the type to watch that kinda game go down from the corner of the room, but not actually join in. Thanks for reading y'all


	3. Chapter 3

Everything around Kylo seemed so eerily muted. The ships landing and taking off, the thumps of running boots on the ground, the chatter and wind; all of it sounded like it was playing in slow motion for him, through submerged speakers.

He was startled back into a loud reality when Finn grabbed him by the shoulders and began to shake him.

“...en! _REN!_ ” the man was screaming, and Kylo quickly gained his composure, shooting Finn a perturbed look.

“Move,” the Resistance member ordered, his eyes dark. “I need to talk to Rey.”

Kylo wordlessly helped Rey to her feet and paced away from the pair, his lip trembling.

He knew he shouldn’t have come here. It would only spell disaster for him, and so far, everything he had feared had come true.

He felt more alone now than ever; Rey and his mother were supposed to be right there with him, but Leia’s presence was gone and Rey had seemed cold since they landed.

Kylo’s hand twitched by where his lightsaber lay on his belt, and he was half a mind to wield and ignite it.

He wanted to strike down Finn and everyone else in this God-forsaken base and take Rey away with him to the outer rim, where they could be alone, just the two of them.

But Kylo looked back at Rey, longing to see her face, and he knew he couldn't separate her from the family she'd come to love that was the Resistance. No matter how much Kylo wanted her for himself, he couldn't deny the warmth he sensed in her heart when she had seen the Falcon and reunited with her friend, and it made him both happy and furious.

Happy that Rey was happy, and furious that he wasn't the cause.

“Ben.”

Her voice snapped him out of the haze of his thoughts and back to reality, and his eyes nervously flickered to Rey’s distressed face.

“The First Order is here,” she struggled to say, something obviously weighing on her mind.

Finn’s expression was unreadable, and Rey’s was one of conflict. Kylo felt his heart drop and his head began to pound; how could the First Order be here, before even he had arrived? He had never been informed that the Order had knowledge of the location of the Resistance’s new base of operations.

Worse yet, Kylo’s stomach churned with something akin to poison at the realization that Rey’s guard was up yet again. He clenched his teeth; she thought he had betrayed her, betrayed them all.

“What happened to my mother?” was all he could manage to say, fighting to stay collected and losing the battle rapidly.

“General Leia was taken hostage,” Finn replied curtly, his voice piercing Kylo like a dagger.

Rey looked sorrowfully at Ben, and she shifted her weight on her feet, as if intending to walk to him, but stopped herself.

“She could be alive,” she offered, her tone one of feigned confidence. “She could be intentionally masking her pres-”

_Whack._

Rey stopped mid-sentence in horror as Finn’s fist collided with Kylo’s face and the Dark Jedi staggered back, and his battle for self control was lost.

In a split second, his saber was in hand, and he hovered it mere millimeters from Finn’s neck, the sparks from the unstable blade singeing his trademark leather jacket.

“ _YOU BETRAYED US,”_ Finn roared, his hands shaking as he struggled to keep Kylo’s hilt at bay from his neck, but his eyes not showing a speck of fear, only rage.

“Ben, please, don’t do this,” Rey shouted, finally stepping towards him, but she had made her decision too late.

“I had nothing to do with this,” Kylo spat, his eyes wide and afraid, but equally livid; he eased his grip on his lightsaber’s hilt, but did not back down.

“You expect me to believe that? That the First Order showed up seconds before _Kylo Ren_ arrived at our command post because of pure _coincidence_?” Finn retorted, reaching for the blaster on his belt.

“Now is not the time to accuse one another,” Rey pleaded, and she very tentatively placed a hand on Kylo’s upper arm. “We need to get out of here as quickly as we can.”

Kylo hastily shrugged her off, but he withdrew his saber from Finn’s throat, although still keeping it alight and held tightly in his hand.

Rey looked taken aback; she regarded Kylo with a hurt expression, but was relieved he had backed off from her friend.

“I disabled all tracking on my command shuttle,” he affirmed, as they all knew the autopilot had been set to send the ship to the base.

He hesitated and then turned to Rey, and added, “As well as all surveillance.”

Finn was too infuriated to notice the flush that colored the girl’s face due to Kylo’s comment, and he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Then there’s a tracker in your clothing,” he said, throwing some sort of scanner at what Kylo could only assume was aimed at his face. “Unless, of course, you told the enemy yourself.”

“What’s this?” Rey asked, gesturing to the device Finn had just thrown to Kylo, who’d caught it before it did any damage.

“It’s a portable tracking scanner,” Finn replied. “It will pick up any sort of active tracking on you. I suggest you use it before going anywhere.”

Finn took one of Rey’s hands in his and squeezed it tight, looking her in her eyes, onyx meeting amber.

“I’m taking Rose on the Falcon and heading to the outer rim for now,” he explained, glancing back at the ship behind the two.

He hesitated, his gaze still steely as he studied Kylo next to her.

“I’m sorry, but having him on board is too dangerous,” he continued, his voice quiet. “Come with us, please. It’s not safe with him.”

Rey gave Finn a forlorn look, but she pulled her hand from his and wore her usual mask of defiance.

“We’ll take an X-wing to his command shuttle once we’ve found the tracker,” she assured Finn, who looked at a loss for words. “I’m not leaving him.”

Kylo looked up only to find Rey’s eyes fixed on him, and only him; he felt a warmth in his chest just as he had during their night by the fire, and confidence swelled inside him.

“Fine,” Finn relented, beginning his trek to where he’d chosen to rendezvous with Rose. “Be safe, Rey. Contact me soon.”

With a reluctant but resigned stare, Finn then fixed his eyes on Ben, and he sighed.

“Don’t let her down,” was all he said before he walked out of earshot, and Kylo swore to himself that he wouldn’t.

He surveyed Rey, who seemed perhaps even more stressed than him. It was just the two of them now, save for the distant blaster shots and ships soaring overhead; she looked like she was struggling to string together a sentence, so Kylo simply wrapped his arms around her in a sudden but needed embrace.

Rey’s body was tense against his at first, but she easily melted into his touch like before, and she found herself encircling her arms around the taller man’s back; she buried her face in his chest, inhaling his familiar masculine scent.

“I suppose we should use the scanner,” she said, her voice muffled against his pullover.

Kylo simply nodded in affirmation, albeit reluctant to let Rey out of his grasp, but he knew their trust was being tested again, and leaving the base was priority number one for her right now.

Rey toggled the scanner on and pointed it at the Dark Jedi; almost instantly, the sensor went off, and Kylo felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

So he was being tracked, no doubt by Hux. The thought made his blood boil; he all but ripped off his cloak and held it up to the scanner, and Rey bit her lip as the indicator pointed to ‘positive.'

Kylo was furious; he threw the garment to the dusty ground and looked apologetically to Rey. He was feeling irrational, but rightfully so, in his mind.

Rey had _worn_ that cloak for so long, had shared it with him; to think it had been an instrument of betrayal all along made him seethe.

“Let’s find a ship,” the brunette said after confirming the cloak was the only item with a tracker embedded within it. “We need to intercept your shuttle before it arrives here.”

Wordlessly and briskly, the pair boarded an X-Wing and scanned for Kylo’s craft; overriding the controls was easy given the First Order’s tech and Kylo’s security pass, and the two found themselves alone on the command shuttle for a second time.

There was an awkward air between the two as Kylo manned the cockpit with Rey in the co-pilot’s seat, and an even more awkward silence followed.

“Do you think I did it?” Kylo asked, breaking the icy air and causing Rey to put her racing mind to rest for a moment.

“No,” she said matter-of-factly, studying the ship’s hyperdrive status as they prepared to jump to lightspeed. “If you mean inform the Order about our base’s location.”

Kylo felt a weight leave his shoulders, but it was only a portion of the pain he currently bore. He was pensive for a moment, and then questioned Rey again.

“Did you feel it? Leia’s death,” he said, his voice faltering on the last two words. Rey frowned and focused her gaze on her counterpart instead of the ship controls.

“I did,” she said sadly, but there was a hint of suspicion in her tone. “But the Force isn’t always what we perceive it to be, Ben.”

“You sound like a Jedi,” he muttered, thinking not so fondly of Luke Skywalker.

“I _am_ a Jedi,” Rey said playfully, trying to lighten the mood. Her face fell when she saw Kylo’s defeated expression, however, and she stood up from her seat to stand by his side.

“I’m sorry, Ben,” she whispered, snaking her arms around his shoulders and giving him a light hug from behind. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he replied, bringing a hand up to touch Rey’s; he felt as though he could never tire of how soft and warm she felt against him.

“I wanted to let go, and now I truly can,” he continued, tightening his grip as the ship entered lightspeed and lurched slightly forward. “This isn’t how I thought I’d start over, but everything else was just wishful thinking.”

“This is the best possible path,” Rey assured him in a soothing voice, giving him a sort of pep-talk shoulder rub.

She paused, and then added, “For both of us, I think.”

Kylo raised himself out of the pilot seat and turned to Rey, inhaling deeply and somewhat shakily. He observed her with a guarded look, not sure if he should get his hopes up regarding what she meant by that statement.

“Why is this the best path for you?” he questioned tentatively, dangerously aware of Rey drawing her body in closer to his, her shallow breaths mingling with his own.

Splotches of red bloomed on Rey’s face but she did not look away as she usually did when she felt embarrassed, and Kylo could tell in this moment that there was still some trust between them.

“Because this is the path that led me to you,” she explained softly, and Kylo’s heart nearly stopped.

He wanted so badly in this moment to confide to her just how much she really meant to him, how much she had shaped his life these past weeks, but the words wouldn’t connect in his mind. He was left with fragments and feelings: warmth, worry, but most of all, a feeling he was almost afraid to name.

Without a sound, he gently held Rey against him again and rested his head on the top of her’s, savoring in the sweet scent of her hair and how small and fragile she seemed in these moments.

The mighty Rey, his equal in the light, the Last Jedi, so delicate and vulnerable in his arms; the sensation made him feel _special,_ and he wondered vaguely if she felt similarly.

Rey felt as she always felt when she was close to Ben Solo: light-headed, nervous, and yet very excited. Her body trembled slightly with anticipation, and the realization that she _wanted_ something more from Ben only made her more anxious.

He was strong but gentle with her, and she could tell that underneath his garments was a well-built yet warm body. She recalled the two times she had seen him shirtless, and she swallowed hard, wondering fervently when she might be graced with a third time.

However, the disturbance of Leia’s apparent passing and the First Order’s surprise arrival at the Resistance base had left them both feeling troubled, and Kylo found himself turning away from the brunette as he pushed back the thoughts he had had of embracing his mother the same way today.

“Where are we heading?” Rey questioned, noticing Kylo slowly distancing himself from her. She was worried about him, and also worried that she could lose him over this.

“It doesn’t matter to me,” the dark-haired man replied, his eyes feeling somewhat heavy. The two had been up late last night, and it had been an eventful day; maybe some rest would help clear his head.

“I’ve always wanted to visit Coruscant,” Rey divulged, an excited look worn on her face. “I’ve only heard stories, but it sounds incredible.”

“Probably the furthest thing from Jakku you could imagine,” Kylo added, his lips curling into a small smile at the look of wonder on Rey’s face at the thought of visiting the galaxy’s capitol.

While it was a busy and heavily populated planet, it would be perfect to hide in plain sight there - the sheer number of buildings and people would keep them safe from the First Order.

Kylo rested his chin in his hand as he thought about just how much on Coruscant there would be to do with Rey, as well. It would be akin to a getaway together.

His heartbeat quickened at the thought, and he quickly punched in the coordinates for the city-covered planet into his ship’s autopilot before turning back to Rey, who seemed not the least bit tired in contrast with him.

“I need to lie down,” Kylo said simply, struggling with the urge to reach out and take Rey’s hand.

She gave him an almost fearful look in response to his statement.

“Are you alright?” she asked, eyeing him up and down as if to look for something wrong with him.

“Just tired,” Ben mumbled in reply, feeling almost weak in the knees as Rey’s large eyes studied him and then gazed into his own.

“I hope you feel better,” the brunette said softly; admittedly, Rey didn’t want to be the only one awake on a First Order ship, and she would have liked to spend some more time with Kylo.

She was sure they would have plenty of time to themselves on Coruscant, however, and she knew they were both under a lot of stress.

Kylo simply nodded in response, and then hesitated. Clumsily, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against her forehead before he whisked around and headed to the bedroom that the two had spent the night in just yesterday.

Rey stood still and watched him walk away, wondering vaguely if Kylo had felt akin to how she felt in this moment when she had closed the Falcon door on him on Crait.

Kylo felt the air in the room drop about ten degrees as his bedroom door slid shut behind him, separating him and Rey.

He was torn between running back in there and passing out on the bed; he could still remember the feeling of her soft skin against his lips, and he absent mindedly touched them with his fingers, wishing he was feeling her again.

But, he didn’t want to rush things. They were brought together by unfortunate yet necessary circumstances; Kylo cringed as he was reminded of Snoke’s admittance of bridging their minds, but the Force connections had continued after he had passed.

He didn’t know where they were going, but he knew he only wanted things to continue for the better and not push Rey too far, like he feared he had in the throne room.

Feeling somehow more anxious than when arriving at the Resistance base, Kylo shed his clothes except for his boxer briefs and slid into the bed and under the covers, finding that his body and mind were craving sleep more than he had originally thought.

He quickly slipped into unconsciousness, and with it, into a very dark place.

_Kylo Ren awoke with a jolt as he felt a familiar but insidious presence enter his sleeping chambers. He was back in his familiar quarters on the First Order dreadnought, but things didn’t feel quite right in the stifling darkness around him._

_The Dark Jedi sat upright slowly and brought up the room lights, his face very clearly reading dissatisfaction._

_“Hux,” the man said tersely in a gravelly, still sleep-addled voice. “I hope you have a good reason for this.”_

_The General stood close by the chamber doors, wearing an expression somewhere between a smirk and a snarl._

_“Oh, Supreme Leader, I have simply come to you with some vital information...and some questions,” Hux replied vaguely, pacing a little too confidently towards Kylo’s bed._

_Instinctively, Kylo stood and Force pulled his lightsaber to him, igniting the cross-guarded blade the second he felt the cold metal hilt in his hands._

_Hux’s demeanor didn’t change, however; he seemed almost confident, and that concerned Kylo._

_“Drop the act, Ren,” the red-haired man said in an icy tone, pulling back his jacket to reveal the armed blaster on his belt. “This is the end.”_

_“The end for you, maybe,” Kylo spat, now most certainly awake. “How dare you march into my chambers and--”_

_“You killed our Supreme Leader,” Hux interrupted in a dead pan tone. “You think you can lie to me? I can see through you, Solo.”_

_Kylo’s grip tightened around his saber at the mention of his deceased father’s surname, and he reached out, focusing the energy around him to tighten on Hux’s neck, and the man began to choke._

_“I told you that the girl killed Snoke,” the new Supreme Leader hissed, his Force grip only growing tighter; Hux was looking noticeably blue in the face, but managed a disgusting smile despite it all._

_“LIAR,” Hux croaked as loudly as he could, and Kylo dropped his hold, nonplussed and afraid; the General fell to the floor and his fingers flew up to his throat as he gasped for air, but he maintained his defiance._

_“You expect me to believe that the girl, a scavenger, took out you, our Supreme Leader, and the entire Praetorian guard?” Hux continued, his tone accusatory as he stood back up to face Kylo._

_“She is strong with-” Kylo began, but Hux cut him off once more._

_“That isn’t even the most laughable part of it all,” he said smugly, his eyes boring into the Knight of Ren. “At the end of this story, the fact remains that she spared you. Only you.”_

_Kylo inhaled and held his breath. Hux was just a pawn, and he need not be intimidated. He would simply kill him, like he should have done in the first place._

_Kylo reached out to silence Hux once again, but the red-haired man simply laughed at him, and took a step closer._

_“You can kill me, Ren, but you can’t kill the entire First Order,” General Hux said quietly, his eyes narrowed. “We have surveillance of what you’ve done.”_

_Kylo’s hand was back on Hux’s neck at this point, but through skin to skin contact; his grip was shaky, however, and he could hear the marching of countless storm troopers outside his door._

_“This is the end,” Hux spat, his hands struggling to wrench himself free of Kylo’s grip. “You betrayed the Supreme Leader, and you have compassion for the girl, Rey. You’re nothing but a traitor- just like Vader before you.”_

Kylo awoke in the real world and sat upright with a jolt, his upper body glistening in cold sweat; his hands were clenched tight around his bed sheets, and he struggled to compose himself.

That had been the most vivid nightmare he had had in years - he was used to them after he had first left the ashes of Luke’s jedi academy with the Knights of Ren, but they had worn away like the face of a cliff against the waves over the years.

“Are you alright, Ben?” a soft, sleepy voice from Kylo’s right came; the Dark Jedi jumped a bit at the voice, but he felt the poison in the pit of his stomach from the nightmare dissipate at the sight next to him.

Rey was in bed next to him, wearing another one of his shirts. She looked as if she had just awoken, with her hair unkempt and her eyes a bit glossy, but her drowsiness couldn’t mask the look of concern on her face.

Kylo balked at Rey’s anxious expression, but when she sat up next to him and placed a tender hand against his arm, he found himself almost overwhelmed; he was sick of hiding behind a pretense all the time, whether it be a mask, a lie, or even the name ‘Kylo Ren’.

He wanted to be himself with Rey and make sure she never had reason to doubt him again, like she so obviously had when Finn told them of the First Order’s invasion.

Without a word, Kylo felt something inside of him that was long overdue bubble up and reach the surface; he wrapped his arms tight around Rey’s waist and held her flush against him, burying his head in the crook of her neck.

Rey seemed apprehensive at first, not immediately returning his embrace, but rather her body turning rigid. She was worried, however, and still somewhat in a dream-like state, having just woken up herself.

“What’s wrong?” she asked breathily, hiding a yawn in her phrase.

“I want you to hold me,” the former First Order-member pleaded, his arms only tightening around Rey.

The brunette woman’s eyes widened as she studied the tousled black hair resting against her shoulder, unable to see Kylo’s face, but she could tell he was not his usual self.

Rey took Kylo into her arms and rested her head on his, like she had in the Ahch-To cottage only just last night.

She could feel his every breath and smell the almost ocean-like scent coming off from his hair, and her heart quickened tenfold in response. Despite her excitement, a part of Rey dared not move out of fear of upsetting the Dark Jedi more than it seemed he already was, and the two sat in anxious silence, cradled against one another.

As the hug went on, however, Rey was becoming more and more aware of Ben’s attire, which was seemingly only his boxer briefs, and she gulped, her face feeling much hotter than before.

“When did you come in here?” a muffled voice asked, snapping Rey back to reality, and she looked down at Kylo curiously.

“A few minutes after you,” she admitted, feeling very nervous and not really sure why; Kylo was shirtless and so close and very warm, and she suspected that that might have something to do with it.

“I felt lonely,” she added quietly, absent-mindedly stroking Ben’s hair with her right hand. She had felt somewhat uncomfortable on the ship’s bridge all by herself, and realized she hadn’t slept much the previous night.

Kylo sat up and faced Rey, his hands intertwining with hers as he locked eyes with her.

“I don’t want you to ever feel alone again,” the dark-haired man breathed, his gaze smoldering and almost stifling as his deep eyes bored into Rey’s.

Rey inhaled deeply and shifted a bit closer to Ben, her heart feeling light and warm in her chest.

“And I don’t want you to feel that way, either,” she replied, pulling one of her hands away from Ben’s and reaching up to stroke his cheek with it. She hesitated, studying the morose look on his handsome face with a painful expression.

“Did you have a bad dream?” she questioned him, and Kylo’s eyes glanced downwards, his face now more pensive-looking than pained.

“It was nothing,” he answered, deflecting Rey’s question. Kylo didn’t want to bother Rey with his problems, and he also didn’t want to discuss something that he perceived as a weakness of his.

“Rey,” he began, his tone pleading as he wished away the worry that still showed on her face. “I want to make a promise to you.”

The Jedi listened in silence, waiting for what it was that Kylo wanted to propose with baited breath.

“I promise you that you will never be alone again,” he vowed, the words spilling from his mouth with seemingly a will of their own. “I want to stay with you.”

Rey squeezed Kylo’s hand in her own and said, “Ever since that night when you told me I wasn’t alone, I haven’t felt the same since.”

Kylo gave Rey an almost shocked look, and Rey’s eyes widened as she realized what she had just said.

“I-I meant, I haven’t felt alone since then,” she muttered, trying to clarify what she had tried to say, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized she honestly _hadn’t_ felt the same since that night.

The hope and pride that had welled up inside her when Ben had turned on Snoke, the adrenaline and anticipation from when they had faced the Praetorian guard together, and even despite the betrayal; Rey had never felt alone after Kylo had told her that she wasn’t.

It was as if he had opened up a universe to her in which she realized she wasn’t alone anymore. She had the Resistance now, and she had the Force, and, most surprisingly, she had Ben Solo, too.

“I’ll make sure you’re never alone again, too,” she finally whispered after some consideration, and a look of both awe and relief crossed Kylo’s dark eyes.

Kylo took a deep, calming breath and held Rey’s face in his hands, his gaze lingering on her lips. He hesitated, hoping that maybe she would pick up on what he was after.

Rey rolled her eyes at him, but smiled all the while, and leaned in wordlessly; Kylo took the opportunity to close the space between the two, and they kissed in Kylo's bed for the third time.

Rey felt herself sink into the soft mattress as the much larger man’s lips grew more desperate, and she found Kylo on top of her once again, much like the night before.

The Dark Jedi broke their kiss to fully take in the sight of Rey’s lithe form beneath him, her smooth skin tinged a rosy pink.

He gulped, and lightly traced a line from her cheek down to her collar bone with his fingertips; Rey lay still, her heart threatening to burst from her chest, Kylo’s touch leaving white-hot pin pricks in its wake.

Kylo’s dark eyes slid shut as he leaned back down and pressed his lips to Rey’s slightly agape mouth, slipping his tongue between her lips after a moment of hesitation.

Rey moaned into the kiss as Kylo’s finger tips moved south further still, from her collarbone and down the outline of her right breast, stopping to slide just barely underneath her long t-shirt and rest at her hip.

The Jedi deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around Kylo’s neck and pulling him in closer, shyly sliding her tongue along Kylo’s bottom lip in response, her hips trembling against the dark-haired man’s large, warm hand.

Kylo’s body felt like it was on fire; he struggled to keep himself in control as he squeezed Rey’s hip in his hand, and steadied himself with the other.

He couldn’t believe he had touched her the way he just had and that his hand was underneath her clothes, his fingers just barely under the hem of her shirt, but still against her soft warm skin and fabric that he could only assume was her panties.

They broke apart again, the taste of each other on their tongues, and Rey suddenly became very aware of something large and hard pressing against her waist.

They separated once again, and Rey’s brown eyes bored into Kylo’s onyx ones, only for him to look away.

Kylo knew he was hard, and he knew Rey could feel him against her, but he also couldn’t summon the willpower to lose the feeling of her warm skin against him again.

“Are you…?” Rey asked, reading the embarrassment but also the lust on Ben’s face, and she tentatively shifted her hips, rubbing up against him, and earning an almost pained groan from the Dark Jedi.

“Yes,” Kylo admitted through clenched teeth, his thumb slowly tracing a circle on Rey’s hip, and he could no longer ignore the blood rushing straight to his erection as Rey pressed against him once again, her hand slowly moving from his back to his chest.

“Did I make you like this?” the brunette continued in a soft, shaky voice as her hand slid down Kylo’s bare chest and over his abdominal muscles, and Kylo shuddered against her touch.

“You have many times,” he breathed, and his breath hitched in his throat as her hand came to hover right above the waistband of his boxer briefs.

The air in the bedroom hung thick and heavily, and Rey swore she could hear _both_ of their heartbeats as her fingers ghosted over Kylo’s underwear, grazing ever so slightly against his hard-on.

Rey felt powerful and extremely aroused in this moment, and the two locked eyes, Kylo’s face caught between a look that said “please don’t stop” and one that begged her to wait.

Mysteriously, from somewhere in the interior of the command shuttle, a loud “ding” echoed throughout the ship, and Kylo took the opportunity to sit up and collect himself, his body feeling unbearably hot in the once cold room.

“What was that?” Rey questioned, concerned that Kylo had distanced himself from her.

“The autopilot destination confirmation alarm,” the dark-haired man answered, standing up from the bed. “We’ve arrived on Coruscant.”

Without a glance back, Kylo grabbed his clothes and exited the bedroom and then promptly grabbed at his chest, trying to catch his breath.

He could hardly fathom what had just happened; his nightmare from before was a distant memory to him in the wake of Rey’s body, Rey’s kiss, Rey’s _touch_ against his most sensitive places - he felt like he had been going slowly mad inside of that room, and he also felt as though he _was_ mad for walking away.

He wanted to stay. He wanted so badly to let her continue, to touch her in return, to do all of the things he had awoken to in the dead of night in his old sleeping quarters, but he knew in the back of his mind that neither of them were emotionally there yet.

He wanted to truly know just what he felt for Rey, and what she felt in return before he let her do something she might regret, and vice versa.

For now, his heart was warm - almost as warm as his cheeks - and he felt tranquil as he thought about what the two had said to one another before the kiss.

He wasn’t going to let her be alone, and she wasn’t going to let him, either.

The command shuttle began its descent into the parking deck of a reputable hotel that Kylo had scouted earlier, and he dressed himself in the hull, assuming Rey was doing the same in the bedroom.  
  
While it was hard to be alone _anywhere_ on the heavily populated Coruscant, he was going to kick off their promises to one another by showing her a great time on a much needed vacation.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you are enjoying the story. I have chapter two written but I am trying to space the releases out so I won't get stressed about deadlines. I will try to update at least once a week. Thank you for your support!


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